You must be this tall to ride this roller coaster...


"For many families, a baby's NICU stay is like a roller coaster ride, with ups and downs, triumphs and setbacks. Of course, the parents are also along for the ride."

This statement is from the March of Dimes website.

As a child I can remember the first time that I saw The Texas Giant at Six Flags Over Texas boy did it look fun. My dad was the one to take me on this monster of a roller coaster. It was terrifyingly fun... little did I know I would get the chance for a roller coaster ride of this extreme.


Today was a rough day for us. My mom took me to visit Caroline this morning and I got to meet the Nurse Practitioner that helped in Caroline's delivery... she was the one who popped my joyful ride. I am not going into too many details for several reasons but the main ones being there is not enough information to really say exactly what is to come and two I am emotionally and physically spent. In short I need some prayers for my little girl... She's needs to grow. The growth that has been seen is not where it needs to be for her. She was small to begin with. So grow prayers are needed.

Having a baby in the NICU is like no other journey I have experienced. I could compare it to my mom's car wreck in 2003 but this is so much harder. I think back to that roller coaster ride and question how I went on for so many months being the rock that I was. How did I hold myself together? How did I keep on going? How? Two weeks in and I feel more overwhelmed each day. I have a baby but I can't do much to help her. Pumping every two hours is physically exhausting but it's really all I can do.

Looking back to my roller coaster ride with my dad it was the start of many to come. Some ups some downs but the test of will power and strength is to be had. We are of course in this for the long haul... with what looks like will be many more weeks of triumphs and setbacks.

On a side note:  Happy Father's Day to my sweet, loving, wonderful, amazing Tom Tom.  I could not ask for a better man for Caroline to call Daddy.

Big week for our big girl.  As of today she's 2.14 lbs and is wearing clothes.  I know it's not the best picture but it's what I have to show for now.  She needs some cute outfits but mama has to have time, energy and a ride to get out and shop.  Grandma had bought her some preemie stuff but it's still a little too big.  She is growing daily so it wont be long before she's in it. 

We have big news today...(I'll spare pictures of this aspect) our little squirt is doing so great that at 32 weeks gestational age 2 weeks old she's getting to nuzzle at the breast!!!!  HUGE for a baby her age.  They don't normally start until 32 weeks.  Babies learn the suck, swallow, breathe technique at 34-36 weeks gestation so for her to be ready to start learning at 32 is awesome!!  We tried for a short period today.  She latched a few times and got a few drops of milk but she's not quite sure what to think about it.  I had just pumped to ensure that she was not able to swallow gulps as she could choke.  We had a great first session though being a bit chesty with a baby a third of the size is a little difficult.   It is a learning process for both of us but I am ecstatic to have her try.

My big girl is doing great and at this rate maybe she will be home around 36 weeks!!  So pray that she gets the whole breast feeding thing down and that mama learns how to help her quickly so we can start bottles and get this girl growing!

I wanted to add a special thanks to the people who have stepped up and helped.  We really appreciate you and everything you are doing.  We of course still need volunteers this is a tough road.  I met a few other NICU parents today and the struggle is the same for them.  There is a Ronald McDonald Room that gives us all a place to sit down and relax in between visits.  What a great charity!

That's all for today this mama needs to get her boobie... I mean beauty sleep.  More to come!

xoxo,

Casey, Tom and Our Sweet Caroline

I would like to introduce... Caroline Leigh Anderson... aka Rock Star Baby

  So we have had a great week and I am very proud of my little girl.  I can not tell you all how amazing this journey is but for any of you that know it first hand it changes you.  Let's see... Caroline decided that she no longer needed oxygen and took it off and since she tolerated it the NICU doctors decided lets see how she does with out it.  Well my feisty little girl is doing just fine!  She is back up to birth weight officially in ounces but is a little up and down with her gram weights.  It's expected since she is now in a self controlled environment.  Basically her very expensive bed heats her up if she gets too cold.  She is wearing clothes and is swaddled now.  She is off of all support with exception of monitors and of course and her feeding tube.  The feeding tube you see in the above picture is actually in her nose now which is much smaller and more comfortable for her.  She also can turn her head completely over which is unusual for full term babies.  She kinda does what she wants.   :) 

Biggest news is that her heart mummer is now closing and they do not expect to have to treat it at all!!!!!  This is fabulous because had they had to treat with medications they would have had to cut back on her feedings to do so.  This of course would have set her back growth wise.  They will check again in a week.

Now for a bit of a me update.  I have placed the girls in day care from 10-2 everyday.  This allows for Tom and I to kangaroo at the 11am visit.  On Monday, Wednesday and Friday I have 3pm wound care in the hospital.  Those are very hard days for me.  It's simply painful and exhausting.  I am still not able to drive so getting to and from daily can be hard to manage.  I put it out there on my facebook that I was in need of some help but unfortunately I've had only a few responses.  (A special thank you to those of you who are able to help, I am forever in debt).  I am a very prideful person and I hate asking for help but I am physically unable to do so much because of having an open incision on my belly.  It will take half the time to heal and prevents serious complications so it's worth it but I am at somewhat of a loss for the simple things like how to cook dinner on the nights that Tom is at work.  (Tues.-Sat.)  Any help any of you can give is much appreciated.  If you have some availability even if it's just some time to pick me up from the hospital or grocery shop for me those things really count.  I have to pump 12 times a day in order to keep up with the supply Caroline needs.  I'm hardly doing so due to a lot of factors but any time I can free up allows me to dedicate that much more time to providing breast milk for her.  It's critical in getting her to come home!  At 35 weeks gestational age (she's 32 Thursday) I have to have enough milk to sustain her or they will put her on formula.  If I can prevent this it would be ideal.   If you would like please share this with anyone you think might be able to help.  I am not shy if you know me and well I can say that I haven't met too many people in my life I can call strangers.

If you think you can help at all please contact me:

countrycasey@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/caseylmeredith



I will update again soon.  Here's one more picture.  Tired, Happy mama and my little chunky monkey.  Love to all.

xoxo,
Casey, Tom and Baby Caroline

A much needed update on Caroline, Tom and me.

Well I'll start with me... Yes it's actually Casey posting.  I am no longer a shell of a person.  I was very out of it for the last week and well that's kinda to be expected I had major surgery and a baby that seems to demand a lot of my attention.  She of course can have it all!  So with out going into too many details the c-section was done up and down on my belly and side to side on my uterus (better to prevent further c-sections) but for increased healing and lower risk of infections the doctors left the belly incision open and then they placed whats called a wound vac inside to basically suction it closed.  Every two days they go in and change the dressing out it gets smaller and smaller until it's all the way healed.  It sucks but it cuts my healing time in half.  Other than that I am running pretty hard to keep up with my visits with her, pumping schedule and the demands of being a step mom, wife, daughter and friend.  I am sure that some of those areas are slacking a little but I know everyone understands...

Now to Tom... he went back to work today and although I am sure it's hard it's a necessary evil.  He is such a strong man and amazing father because he too is juggling having a "hurt" wife, a preemie baby, work and the girls.  He's such a trooper and deserves all of the praise I can offer!  I am a lucky girl!

Last and I'm a sure most anticipated... the star of the show Caroline!

This child is a fighter and of course my brat!  She has a small heart murmur but it's not something the dr's are concerned about.  If it is still there in a week they will treat with meds to close the valve that is partially open.  Even some full term babies have this issue so it's not something we are overly concerned about.  She is up to 2.8 lbs today... an increase from yesterday's 2.6.  She is up to 17 ml on her feedings (I'm having a hard time keeping up to be honest).  She had an ultrasound of her head to check for brain bleeds, also can be common on full term babies, and she amazingly has none!!!! Yes, I said none like as in zilch, zip, zero!  My little feisty girl!  Other than that there's not much to say.  She's just growing and the only thing she needs right now is time to do so.  We kangaroo her twice a day on most days but always at least once.  Being home from the hospital makes things a bit harder time wise but this is an important step in her care.  She rests so peacefully when she's tucked in with mommy or daddy.

With us being home now there are some things we will need and I know so many people are asking how they can help.  I will work on getting our care calendar setup so if you would like to help it will tell you how.  I can't say exactly what yet because we don't have much of a routine but that is slowly falling into place.  Thank you all for your prayers.  They are clearly working!

xoxo,
Casey

Did you ever wonder how mothers of premature babies are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia. Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint. . .give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off she'll handle it. "I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just the right amount of selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see, ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice"

"Nursing is not for everyone. It takes a very strong, intelligent, and compassionate person to take on the ills of the world with passion and purpose and work to maintain the health and well-being of the planet."

 

Meet Amanda... My saving grace and the person that told me I could do this.  I am still debating on if I can in fact do this but she got me through the very hard days leading up to delivery of Caroline.  When the doctors came in and told me Wednesday night that I would deliver Friday she was our rock.  She answered a ton of questions and basically encouraged us.  Thursday night was my first night on Magnesium.  What a yucky necessary drug.  It makes you feel like you have the flu or worse...  Amanda was diligent about checking in on me to make sure I was as comfortable as possible.  She talked of her three daughters and gave me the strength that I needed to get through delivery.  I do have to say that several other nurses went above and beyond but it was Amanda's surprise visit two days after my c-section (although in a different unit) that sealed the deal.  She became my favorite!  I can not thank her enough but I had to get her a little gift to really express just how much she did for Tom and I.  An amazing lady that I had to tell all of you about.  Meet Amanda...

First family photos

Hello again fellow followers, it has been a whirlwind of emotions here. We are still at the hospital and Caroline is doing just fine, so is Casey. Not a whole lot of updates to give. But we would like to share some of the photos with everyone.

Casey got to hold Caroline for the first time. I tell you, I have never seen a woman so proud and happy. It's all different when you hold your child for the first time. Those of you who have children know what I'm talking about. It was emotional for everyone.

Every 3 hours, the hospital arranges a "holding time" for mother and father to come into the NICU, and you're able to hold your baby for a short period of time for bonding, and feeding in some cases. Since Casey is better able to get out of bed and be wheeled down to the NICU, she takes every opportunity to do so. We love going down there to see our daughter. I know she can tell that her Mom and Dad are there because each time we go, she relaxes more, and stays calm. Even smiles sometimes.

She even opened her eyes for us, for the first time. I guess she wanted to see what all the fuss was about. She is kind of a big deal.

She will usually fall asleep while we hold her close to our chest. This is a process they like to call, "Kangaroo parenting". You basically place her up against your chest, for warmth, and so she can smell and hear your heartbeat, which soothes her, and calms her. It works so well in the growing process that this hospital can claim that their premature infants have a 95% survival rate, where other hsopitals that dont do the "Kangaroo parenting", have a 80% survival rate. I like those odds. She is in very capable hands.

The nurses, and Nurse Practitioners at this hospital are so nice and very understanding. They do this for a living. They were even nice enough to take our first Family photo. I know we both look a little tired and worn out, but we could'nt be happier with our little girl.

Welcome to the world Caroline. You are loved by so many already.