Mama Moment

Hello y'all.  It has been such a long time since I have updated on general life.  I give small updates on my facebook and add pictures of our sweet girl but I don't really have much going on.  Caroline is growing like a weed!  She's got to be well over 12 lbs maybe closer to 15.  I should have an appointment with her doctor this week so I'll get an update on weight then! 

Caroline wants to sit up and stand up now versus being held in a cradled style.  She's too big for that!  We are FINALLY in 3 month size clothing... She will be 6 months on the first.  Other than that she's a great baby.  She is sleeping through the night 90% of the time.  Going to bed between 9-10 and not waking until 7-8 and then most of the time she wakes up for a hour or so then back to sleep until 11!  I know I'm a very lucky mom.  We will see how long this lasts but we started a routine early so when it's bed time, it's bedtime she lets us know!  She has not rolled over yet but I feel like she may walk before she bothers... she will take small steps if you hold her up by her arms.  I know she's not even close to that but I also feel like she's strong enough that if she wanted to, she could roll.  She just hasn't had the need. 

She has also found her feet and her tongue and is still very fascinated by her hands.  Her thumb seems to be her favorite thing next to Daddy.  Although Tom is not home but for a few days every few weeks she is infatuated with him.  She laughs at the silly faces he makes and the kisses he gives.  Tom is such an amazing dad with all of his girls.  I still ask myself how I got so lucky.  Caroline isn't the only one who loves her daddy.  On Thanksgiving both Mikayla and Kirstin were jumping for joy and bugging him every 30 min until he got home.  The were ecstatic!  We were lucky to have him home late Thursday night.

While Tom was home we asked Gaga aka my mom Judy to come watch Caroline so we could take Mikayla and Kirstin to see the final movie in the Twilight series.  For those of you who are Tighlight fans please know that this might be a bit of a spoiler but I want to share my mama moment.  Let me start with the fact that while Caroline was in the hospital I had a song that I would sing to her on a regular basis.  It is Christina Perri's A Thousand Years.  It was perfect because of the lyrics.  It says in the chorus,  One step closer, I have died everyday waiting for you, darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, I will love you for a thousand more.  It could not describe my journey to Caroline any more perfect.  To get to the point the song was a big part of the first half of the last movie in the series and it was in the second as well.  So that alone has an emotional effect on me but there is a moment where Bella meets her daughter for the first time and Renesmee reaches up and touches her mothers face.  The memories of her birth are shown to Bella from her daughters eyes where she sees her mother so sick and Bella says "She's Beautiful" then the memory goes away but the connection is there.  It is the PERFECT way to describe exactly how I felt the first time I reached into her isolette and touched her.  The first time I saw my beautiful daughter.  I can not even type this with out tears.  I am not sure how it is possible for a person to love something with all of them.  The joy and love and emotions that come with becoming a mother are amazing.  The journey to Caroline... the only way I can show all of you the exact way I felt when I met my beautiful daughter would be to have you watch the movie.  While watching it the girls were in the row in front of us and Tom was diligently on my right side.  He simply turns to me sees my tears and squeezes my hand.  He too is effected.  

We have such a wonderful gift, a blessing and an amazing beautiful daughter.

Love to you all,
Casey Tom and Our Sweet Caroline

 

The first moment I saw her before she was taken to the NICU...

 

I waited 36 hours to see her again.  This was the first time I touched my sweet girl.  This is the moment that we officially met.  This is the moment I describe above.

Busy Mama

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” - Rajneesh

The title mom should be allowed to be placed on a resume.  I am in the process of job searching. People ask me why I have not worked since November of last year and I simply say I had a baby.  The truth is that isn't enough of an explanation.  It is all I choose to elaborate on unless asked but I think it is a job that is over looked.  I have a special story but to a stranger it's just another cute baby.  I realize this because before Caroline other peoples babies were just cute and something I was positive I wanted.

Being a mother is a rewarding yet demanding joy.  I don't like to call it a "job" because no amout of money in the world could equal what this sweet little girl does for me.  Tom has asked me how it is I can be going on four hours of sleep and be so darn happy and awake.  The answer is because I have to.  She consumes me.  She pushes me like no job will ever do.  She is an amazing joy!

So much has happened since I last blogged.  I've been very busy.  I took care of an extra baby for almost two months.  Kaydence and Caroline would have been only about a week apart had Caroline not been born early.  Jennifer, Kaydences mom and I are determined they will be best friends!!

Tom started a new job.  He is an extradition agent.  Basically he transports prisoners from prison to prison all over the US.  Unfortunately he travels 90% of the time now but it's a great job that supports our family.  He is also staying in the law enforcement field so if need be he can utilize that experience later on.  We miss him like crazy but it's a great opportunity and he loves to travel so it's pretty perfect.

As I said I have made the decision to go back to work.  We have found a great nanny for Caroline.  It wasn't easy to pick someone but Rachel is a great addition to our village raising our sweet girl!  I hope to find something that will let me be a mom and have a job too.

Caroline got her 4 month shots and her ears pierced.  She did well with the ears but the shots weren't much fun for her.  At the appointment last week she weighed 10.2 lbs!!  Growing again this week.  I'm sure she's up over 11 now.  She has also started slowly eating bites of cereal!!  She laughs on occasion... It's typically in her daddies direction!  She talks frequently.  We are working on animal sounds so far all she seems to make is an owl sound.  :)

I have downloaded the app for my phone I hope to now have a bit more time for blogging.  I hope this finds all of you doing well.  Thanks for checking in on our baby girl.

xoxo,
Casey, Tom and Our Sweet Caroline

The land of Caroline

Back by popular demand...

We are rocking along here in the land of Caroline.  Every time I look at her she seems to be growing bigger and doing more than she did the last time I looked at her.  She smiles randomly... of course I haven't caught it on camera yet but there seems to be a theme of smiles and poop coinciding.  We were having major spit up/reflux issues but I took her to her peditrician and we have changed formula.  The issue has all but gone away but unfortunately having a thicker formula creates other issues... I'll let you guess what those are.

Tom is working and the girls are back in school starting their 4th and 6th grade years.  OH how I don't envy Mikayla and the mighty middle school experience.  They will be here this weekend.

I decided to take advantage of the WIC program... after all of this time not utilizing it.  It is amazing!  We will recieve 10 cans of formula a month which will save us so much money.  The can's of formula are around $17 each and after having to pay for her special preemie formula since she came home we needed help!  The program helps support breast feeding and making sure that our little ones are getting what they need.  I am somewhat prideful and don't want to take advantage of the system so to speak but this really is an amazing benefit for moms.

On September 22nd we have our first NICU reunion.  I can't wait to see other preemie moms and babies!  I love connecting with them to share stories and experiences.  There really is no journey quite like this.  I have come to terms with Caroline being called tiny.  LOL she is kinda little but she's getting so big now!  She was 8.5lbs at her Dr. appointment last week... and almost 9 at her WIC appointment!

Aunt Hailey did a photo shoot with my itty bitty... We had a ton of fun!  Here are two preview shots!

I just wanted everyone to know that I did in fact delete my facebook... not for any particular reason or person but I want to focus on some other things for now but mainly needed a break from it.  It can consume you and sometimes makes it a little too easy for people to have a glance into your life with out actually taking the time to really know or care what is going on and only see what facebook tells you.  I just wanted to be a little more private with things and will eventually start it back up but I felt it was the best move for me for now.

I will do better to blog more often.  I know that Caroline has a huge support group out there.  She's an amazing blessing and continues to touch the lives of so many people.  God gave us such an amazing gift.  More soon.

xoxo,
Casey, Tom and Our Sweet Caroline

Let me introduce you to your two beautiful sisters!

Caroline got to meet Mikayla and Kirstin for the first time!  They are mesmerized by her!  Mikayla is 12 and Kirstin is 9.  They live in San Antonio and were here for the first half of the summer... actually came into town the day I delivered but the NICU has strict policy about siblings so they were not able to meet her until now.

Life at home has been good.  Caroline is a sweet baby and grabs every ones attention.  We could be very rich if we had a quarter for every time we heard she's so tiny, she's so beautiful or look at all of that hair!  I love showing her off finally!  Watching her grow and learn daily is an amazing path.  She is learning that she has arms... they are crazy arms right now.  I am still unable to breast feed though I am still pumping.  I wish it was easier for the both of us and that she could actually latch but I have read that preemies typically have a tough time with it.  I plan to pump for as long as I can... it's very tedious but I know the benefits.  Any suggestions or help any of you can offer I am very open to suggestions!

My shower was wonderful.  Thank you to those of you who were able to come.  I know it is summer time so many of you were not able to come but we are very happy to let you visit and meet our sweet girl here at home!!  Visitors are welcome!  Come and love on our girl as often as you can!

That is all for now we are just enjoying our time with our girls.  Poor Tom is so out numbered!

xoxo,
Casey, Tom and Our Sweet Caroline

It's been a while...

Well as most of you know Caroline came home on Friday, July 27th!  I didn't post about her sleep study in fear that I would jinx her again!  Life has been a whirlwind since then but an amazing experience!  We are enjoying having her home and love all of the little things that we missed while she was in the hospital.  The simple things excite us over and over!  We have ventured out a few times with her and the common theme is comments on how tiny she is... I just laugh and say she was born at 2.12 lbs ;) that was 4 lbs ago... Then they tell me how beautiful she is.  It boosts my ego ; I think it's because she has good looking parents but I might be partial!  :) 

Get these wires off me mom!

Happy mama!

Pretty baby!

Daddy getting baby all tucked in for the ride home!

2 months old and 6.11 lbs at her first doctors appointment.  She got her first shots and a had a great check up!

I want to say thank you to my second cousin Teddye Sells.  She sent me a wonderful gift that I am super excited about.  She sent me a copy of a book that Tom read to Caroline while we were in NICU 1 and some money.  I used the money for developmental items.  Her pediatrician recommended starting now so we get a head start.  So I bought a tummy time mat and she loves it!  (Her cute outfit is care of her Aunt Elizabeth)

Well the rule is sleep when the baby sleeps so bedtime for us.  Night night to all.

xoxo,

Casey, Tom and Our Sweet Caroline

Don't count your chickens before they hatch.

Well after a long sleep study and a car seat study our sweet girl isn't coming home just yet.  Sigh.  She had what's called periodic breathing which is where she holds her breath then breathes fast to catch up.  After she does this her oxygen saturation drops.  :(  A breathing baby is necessary for her to come home.  We like breathing baby... right now the doctors have said that we will re-test in 3-5 days.  If she fails again then they will consider sending her home on caffeine and or an apnea machine.  We really hope for that not to happen. 

Good news however because she is growing they took the tube out of her nose so the only wires/tubes she has are monitors!  Check out our beautiful sleepy chunk!  She weighs 5.8 lbs!

We will update more in a few days when we repeat the test.  Tomorrow we take our discharge class and meet our pediatrician Thursday.  Busy week for us we just need to give our sweet girl a little more time!  Keep the prayers coming.

PS we have had 10,140 views at this point.  Please feel free to share our story.  If Caroline's story can help one family fighting a similar fight or do something positive for just one person we are happy to share! 
xoxo,
Casey, Tom and Our Sweet Caroline

The road goes on forever but this party is coming to an end!

It looks like Wednesday will be our big day!  Caroline is in the process of doing a sleep study to make sure she is breathing correctly.  The study goes for 10 hours and then she does a 1.5 hour car seat study also looking for the same thing.  She has already gone up to 8 bottles a day (Fast I know, she decided she was done with the NICU).  We are planning to do what the NICU calls rooming in on Tuesday night.  Basically we stay the night and do all of her care but we have a nurse there for any questions we have.  Then Wednesday is our big day provided she passes all of her tests and keeps up the hard work of taking all of her bottles.  Just a reminder of how hard all of this is for her babies don't develop the suck, swallow, breathe technique until 36-37 weeks gestation.  She is 36.3 currently so she's not even supposed to be able to do all of this yet.  It's like exercising 8 times a day.  She's pooped!  Then again so are we.  We are READY to have her home!  Below is something that we got from an organization called Hand to Hold.  They are a support program for NICU parents and have offered some great suggestions for now that she's coming home.  Please take the time to read it... I know it's a little long but it really is exactly what we need.  Thank you all for the support and I will keep our blog going as our road is just really getting to start!  Now we get to be full time parents!  I can't wait!  The girls went home today too so we are going to get to have her all to ourselves.

For the other fun news.  Laura will be doing my shower do over on August 4th.  We will be sending out the invites this week.  So keep your calendars free as there will be a short guest appearance by our sweet girl!

We may need some time alone at first.

Any NICU stay is rough. Ours may have been harder than others. Now that our baby is home with us we need time to adjust to our new roles as parents of a medically fragile child. Please understand that while we want to spend as much time with you as possible we also need a few days to settle into our routine and get some much needed rest.

We’re on a schedule.

While our baby is now home with us, we are still following the routine they got used to at the hospital. We are on a round-the-clock schedule of breastfeeding, pumping, fortifying feeds and administering medicine. Our baby is still adjusting to life outside of the womb. We’re trying to give our baby a safe, quiet environment to rest, grow and develop while still trying to manage multiple specialist and therapist visits. We encourage you to call, text or email us before coming over. And don’t be surprised if we ask you to pick something up from the store or pharmacy when you come!

Please respect our need to be “germaphobes”!

While some newborns may seem to acclimate to the world of germs and colds quite easily, that is not the case for our child. They are especially vulnerable and are susceptible to severe complications and even re-hospitalizations from what might be a minor cold or slight sniffle to you or me. Our baby’s immune system needs time to develop. The most important thing you can do to protect our baby is to WASH YOUR HANDS! We need you to do this every time you come to visit and especially before holding or touching the baby.

Understand that cold, flu and RSV seasons are serious threats.

We need to do everything we can to prevent our baby from contracting any of these illnesses. If you aren’t feeling well or are even slightly worried you might be coming down with something, please wait and visit another time. One thing you can do to show you care is to get your vaccinations, especially for influenza and whooping cough. And please don’t smoke. If you do, please don’t be offended if we ask you to bathe and change your clothes before visiting.

Know that while we may be quarantined, we’re still craving interaction.

After an isolating NICU stay and an extended quarantine upon arriving home, we feel alone. Even though we might not be able to see you as much as we’d like, we want to stay connected to you. Please call, email and write. Send us photos or videos of your family and we will, too. We can share our love without sharing our germs!

We still need help taking care of our most basic needs.

It’s true, but it may still be hard for us to say. We need your help now more than ever, but we’re still uncomfortable asking. Please continue to bring us meals and run errands.

When you offer to help please be specific.

We all appreciate hearing, “Let me know if you need anything,” but the reality is we are often unprepared to really know and ask for what we need. You may have to be very direct. Go ahead and bring by that casserole. Do a load of laundry when you visit. Pick up a bag of diapers on your trip to the store. Offer to drive the car pool. Mow our lawn or wash our car. We will appreciate it, and we’ll return the favor when we can.

Thank you as always for your help, prayers, shoulders and love during all of this.  It has truly been life changing.  I can speak for all of our family when I say that we could not have made it through this with out all of you.

xoxo,
Casey, Tom and Our Sweet Caroline

Please meet my very two best friends Laura and Tasha.  This is the frist time each of them got to hold our sweet girl. 

Here is a wonderful letter I received from a woman that knows my road a little to well.  Lorri Brown is the proud mama to four beautiful children and three of them were preemies (one set of twins).  She has been a wonderful inspiration to me and reminds me often I can get through this.  Lorri and I have actually never met each other because she lives so far but our bond is strong and soon enough we will get that chance to meet.  She and I became close friends while I worked for FAS she was one our vendors.  I am lucky to have had the chance to work with such a great woman and I am glad to call her my friend.  Lorri, thank you for your kind words and continued support you are amazing!  Love you!


PS Caroline is up to 4 bottles, 5 lbs and 3 oz.  Our sweet girl is working hard to come home!  Half way there!




Casey, Tom, and not so itty bitty Caroline:
I have known you Casey for over a year now, although we have never met in person we have an amazing bond and friendship many states apart. I have seen you grow so much as a person in this last year, from your meeting of Tom, a very exciting and eventful pregnancy, to the amazing miracle we have all grown to love, Caroline. I am so blessed to know you and love you and so proud to call you my friend. You have been there for me through some tremendous milestones in my life, and I have followed yours. You are so wise beyond your years and offer such great insight and advice that has helped me overcome a lot. I am so thrilled for your family at how well "our" Caroline has been doing. She has by the way become all of our little girl, in a very special way. I will forever love you and cherish our friendship. I am so glad that you created the blog to keep us up to date and sharing such a special, private and intimate moment of the life of your little angel. Tom has proved to be an amazing man to you, and you deserve it, you deserve the very best, you compliment each other so well. It is rare to find your perfect match, and yet you have been so blessed to do so. Thank you again friend for never judging me and being there. We may not talk every day or even every week, but that goes to show how strong our bond is that we never miss a beat. You always speak your mind and from your heart and I value that. I love you dear friend for who you are, always real, I love you Tom for taking such wonderful care of my friend and loving her as she deserves, and Caroline oh Caroline, I love you beyond words, you are a perfect addition to all of our worlds, you have made my life a brighter place and I cannot wait to give you sweet kisses one day little bit. Thank you Caroline for fighting the fight and making your mom and dad oh so proud, and showing mommy unconditional love. You were born into the lives of 2 of the most amazing people ever, you could not be more loved or wanted little one. I love you guys!

Hello my name is Caroline and I...

Like to pull out my tube in my nose...

and...

I like to get it put back in...

Here I am with my mom...

Here I am with my dad...

OH AND PS I CAN NOW WEAR BIG GIRL DIAPERS...

AND I WEIGH 5 LBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY MOM AND DAD ARE SO EXCITED BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN COME HOME SOON! 

We had a great day!  All of these things and she is taking 3 bottles a day now.  She took a bottle at 2pm today and then at 5pm (both her scheduled feeding times) and she breast fed for 20 min at 5 too!  My big girl only needs to get to 8 bottles or breast feedings per day and she gets to come home!!!  I am so very excited.  Today her pack and play came in so we are getting our bedroom setup and ready to go.  She has to do a car seat study but we are probably going to need to buy a new "preemie" size car seat.  I will see if she fits in the pretty one Tom's parents bought us but I think she may be a little too small length wise.  Our NICU is very specific on what it takes to discharge and we of course will follow their directions.

I will tentatively be having my shower do over on Saturday July 28th at Laura Herrin's home.  I have had people ask what I need so here are my thoughts.

I will not need many preemie items because she's such a chunk!  I have purchased quite a few preemie out fits so I think they will get me through until she grows into newborns.  Diapers of course are always great.  All sizes.  I am sure we will need them.  Receiving blankets and cloth diapers for burp cloths will be great!  I am still registered at target and walmart.  I may have to update it some.

A great day for Caroline and a very happy mama and daddy!  Lots of love and as always thank you for the support and prayers.

xoxo,
Casey, Tom and Our Sweet Caroline

Strangers in the NICU... Caroline Meet Grandma and Grandpa Anderson!

Tom's parents came up to see our sweet girl last night.  They were ecstatic to get to hold her!  Thank you to both of them for all they have done from helping with watching Mikayla and Kirstin to driving us around.  We would have been lost with out them!

BATH TIME!

She weighs 4 lbs 13 oz!

So the road goes on forever but this party will end.  Tom and I are very proud of our chunk.  Caroline is 5 weeks old, growing and doing good with bottle feeding.  As you can see from the pictures I got to give her a bath yesterday.  She loves the water but is not crazy about washing her chubby parts.  She is a very laid back baby and doesn't cry much.  She's not crazy about diaper change or taking her temperature but hardly ever fusses past that. 

She is up to two bottles a day!!  We are looking at about two more weeks if I were to guess with the progress she is making.  Every time she gets the bottle we practice breast feeding too.  She wears out very quickly and it's important for her to get all of her food via bottle so we can get her out of there so I only breast feed for a short period first.

Our sweet girl is growing big and I can't wait for all of you to meet her.  We have decided that for my shower it will not be a meet the baby type event but I am shooting for a guest appearance for a very limited time.   It will depend on how long she has been home and how many people are there.  She can not be around too much noise and it is critical that she not be around anyone who is sick.  We will have to play this by ear but I hope that she can come for a very short period of time.  I will however be happy to have visitors to the house a few days after we get her home.

I am excited to say that I am doing very well too.  My c-section wound is almost completely closed and with out my wound vac I am doing 500 times better.  It did it's job but darn it was a pain in my butt... or belly in this case.  I feel like a person again.  I'm even wearing pre-pregnancy clothes again too!  YEH!

Thank you all as always for the support and prayers.

Love,

Casey, Tom and Our Sweet Caroline

Photo Bomb!

Hello everyone!  I don't have much of an update so I think I'll just photo share.  Caroline is doing great!!  Just growing which is exactly what she needs to do to come home!  A few more weeks and she will be home!  Keep up the good work baby girl!

Tonight's star... Well always Caroline but also Judy aka Mama aka Grandma (Not sure what she will call her yet) Our first person to get to hold her beside Tom and myself.  She has done so much for us and since this is her first grand kid we wanted her to be the first to hold her.  She couldn't look up for the pictures because she just couldn't take her eyes off our sweet girl.

Here is Caroline in her open crib.  Go baby Go!!!  Holding her own temperature!

Mama and her 4.57 pound chunky monkey! 

Baby girl getting her first bottle!  She took the whole 41 ml... most babies only do about 10 on their first time.  Tom uploaded a video on his facebook page where I tell the nurse... "I told you she would take the whole thing.."  Like duh she's my fiesty kid!  She's got her mama's will and her daddies smarts!  She's ready to come home and cuddle!

So in the next few weeks I need to decide on a shower and or get approval from her pediatrician/NICU doctors for a meet and greet type shower.  I of course canceled my shower on the 9th of June because I was a little busy :).  I'll have Laura and Hailey (My awesome hostess) let all of you know the details.  Be sure to watch for an invite via facebook.  I am not sure we will send out full shower invites a second time. 

Thank you as always for the continued support and prayers.  Caroline is rocking the house in NICU 3.  Keep growing baby girl!

xoxo,

Casey, Tom and Our Sweet Caroline